Freedom Through The Cancer!

It's October the "designated" Breast

Cancer emphasis month. Yes, I battled Breast Cancer from most of 2007 through 2012 with 5 rounds of Chemo (including a trial drug that almost killed me), 33 rounds of radiation and 5 years of the "hormone hell" drug Tamoxifen. Yes, it was one of the hardest times of my 50 years of life. But ... the truth is, if I had the ability to go back and skip cancer I would say NO... I wouldn't change a thing.  I know you think that I have lost my ever-lovin' mind. And, the HUNDREDS of times I have had the opportunity to make that statement to others I get  the same reaction.  

You see Breast Cancer stripped away the things that were keeping me from absolute freedom.  First, it took the ridiculous idea that I was IN CONTROL. It showed me that no matter how much I had planned and organized my life I didn't account for a lumpectomy on May 25, 2007 with a stage 2 cancer diagnosis and all that followed.

Second, Breast Cancer took my PRIDE. On August 6, 2007 I stood in front of my bathroom mirror with one breast mangled from surgery and watched as my strong hunk of a husband shaved my head as tears poured down both of our faces. It was a surreal moment for us as a couple. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was more than a head of thick beautiful hair that, by the way, had been my "crowing glory" most of my life. I had, since high school, been the girl with the fabulous hair. I had some cockamamie belief that all that hair was hiding all my flaws from the rest of the world.

Lastly, Breast Cancer took away any DOUBT that God was real and that He was faithful! Nothing slaps mortality in your face like a life threatening disease. I had to completely rely on the God I had talked about and prayed to and hoped was real.  I spent days feeling like I had been hit by a Mac Truck wrapped up in a soft blanket and combing through chapter upon chapter of my Bible. Resting in God's word as it covered and comforted me.  Those days were hard but so sweet. God held me so tenderly and sent angel after angel in the form of friends and family to care for me physically, mentally and spiritually.   

As crazy as it sounds I count those days as some of the best days of my life.  They brought me absolute freedom! Freedom to rely on God for my every need. Freedom to trust Him with my healing and provision. And... freedom to believe that even if I was not going to be healed in this life Jesus had selflessly already provided my way to the next.  

I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy but I do pray that each and everyone of you come to know the sweetness and the freedom of letting go and letting God have you completely!

Psalm 59:16 "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for You (God) are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble!"

Freedom is Fabulous!

Just Sayin'
KJ